i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
