Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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