hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
