so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
