he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
