he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
