Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
