How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
