508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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