yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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