Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
