So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are we still banned from the library?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
