worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
