Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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