Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I only lived at night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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