before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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