I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
