Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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