What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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