I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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