I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
