i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
