So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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