Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Found the puke drawer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
