please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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