just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
