i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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