So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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