Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
