We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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