Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
