I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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