Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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