its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
