well I can't set my house on fire every night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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