Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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