Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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