So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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