if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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