I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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