Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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