Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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