Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
