she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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