Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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