Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
