The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
