I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize