she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
