i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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