Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
