I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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