ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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