I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
