plz talk dirty to me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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