they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
