everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
