Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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