I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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