If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
