i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize