the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well I just put wine in my tea
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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