I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
