how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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