Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
