I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
