I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
