the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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