I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't deserve a penis
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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