Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
