i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
