Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize