I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
