My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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