First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize