My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
