I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
