My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
