he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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