your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize