I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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