Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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