If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
