god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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