I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
