I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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