Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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