You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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