Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
