Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There r osticjed everywhere
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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