its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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