I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
