i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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