maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize