he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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