We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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