I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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