At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
