I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
