I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
