He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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