don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize