you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
