So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
