Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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